What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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