Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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