I need to stop coming to work sober
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
