so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
