I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My breasts were aching with rage.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
