Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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