Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
