FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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