I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
