my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
