so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We are all done wearing pants today
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
