John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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