I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
