perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize