If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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