It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Shame is for Republicans.
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