TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
