maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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