i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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