I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
