Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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