Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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