I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
