I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
