i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
