therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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