I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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