***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I have fence marks all over my body
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