I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
