my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
