did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
be right there i have to get my cape
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
