Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
