She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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