New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Is Oprah even human
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
