Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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