Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
