i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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