I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
vagina is talking i cant
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
