i think i have two assholes
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
