For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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