This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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