i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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