After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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