they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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