well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
