I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
