i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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