this beer tastes like vomit already
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
