Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My cat gives me a boner
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
