You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
