P.S. I can't hear my feet
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
