go do what you do best...puke behind churches
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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