It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
