look no pants
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
