I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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