remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
