he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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