sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
