the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
