Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
