dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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