How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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