Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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