Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
