my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
they need to just BURY HIM!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
