So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
