My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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