I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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