Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
