you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
