i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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