Already got asked if we're dating
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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