No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
