I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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