i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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