I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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