Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i may or may not be watching the land before time
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize